"The Spanish Prisoner"'s secret mission...

I don't discount inspiration or possibly a burning bush or even a dream or vision, but, I believe that Teresa basically wrote me that "Dear Josh" because of The Spanish Prisoner...

Let me explain... No time, I sum-up.

You see, after all of the possible reasons to have decided to not keep going out with me, I think that the reason must have been because, when I had any movie in the world to choose from to watch with her, and we only ever watched one movie together, I had been aching to watch that movie with her (almost as if it had been total inspiration to choose watch that particular movie), also because when we had watched about 3/4 of the movie, the VCR started to "eat" the VHS tape and I had to perform "mechanical CPR" to rescue the tape (and we did get to watch the last quarter!).

Ok, let me go back and explain now the summation, because this frankly sounds to weenie of an explanation.

Well, I was working on the USPS project at my work under the team-lead Esther Shepard and she had just given us permission and encouragement to use AOL Express (a type of Instant Messeger program). I had gathered login names for about everyone on our team and Esther used it, occasionally to gather the whole team together ("Meeting in the North Training room at 2:30 today!"). One day I had pulled-up and was using the messenger program when I noticed that an unfamiliar name was logged in that morning... I sent the name a message and was almost instantly responded to! Come to find out, it was Teresa...

After work I saw that I could use AOL Express (I am purposely not linking to AOL whenever I mention their name... They are rich enough and don't need any more business!!!) on my cell phone, and when I logged-in, it automatically populated with my work contacts, so I started text messaging Teresa more...

We talked like crazy for weeks and weeks and then one day she asked me if I wouldn't want to go up to Salt Lake and pick-up her uncle and aunt at the airport. I said that I would love to. We went up to the airport (talking, of course, the whole way up and getting to know each other better) and after we had loaded the luggage and her uncle into the car and were waiting for her aunt, I took the opportunity to kiss her right on the lips.

Maybe a little brash and maybe a dangerous choice to try to make a move like that, but, I knew right then and there that I wanted to kiss her, and so I did.

Months later, she finally left on her mission and I faithfully wrote her every week while she was in the MTC and then every other week (about) while she was in Switzerland. She, however, apparently did not think that we would remain together after she returned home and wrote me that Dear Josh.

She doesn't come back from her mission til November, but I think that The Spanish Prisoner was the final straw that broke the camels relationship back...

I can't think of any other relationship having so much promise and yet being inwardly-sabotaged by me... I purposefully chose to make all of the little decisions (like the movie that I chose to watch...) in such a way that she would have no choice but to be "scared-off" by those inconsequential a utterly meaningless acts...

When I decided that I would date her (and she obviously agreed to "go along" for the ride until she left...), I was so fantastically and utterly excited to do everything and anything to be with her and have as much fun as she could have before her mission... For example, I was so excited that one night I made a list of ideas for dates that cost no money (or minimal money) and yet were good date ideas for us to have... I know that many-a-young-men's leader or young-women's leader has made such a list, but those lists are made from groups of grown adults with almost a lifetime of experience and that have a wealth of ideas that they've gathered over the years, and I was just one almost-30-year-old boy (young adult) with practically no dating experience sitting alone in a room, with no computer/internet to refer-to and nothing but my own mind to give me ideas... I was so excited about dating her!!!

At the end though, it all came back down-to, "what movie did he choose to watch with me during one of my last days before leaving on my mission?" ... ... ... You know the answer! I chose the movie that I knew I would show to her, if I ever had a chance, The Spanish Prisoner!

JPS