16.11.07

High School feelings again?

What I mean by the title is this: Shouldn't I be old enough and have gained enough life experience that I shouldn't be feeling the same thing (or similar things...) as the days when I was in High School?

To answer my own question: I guess not. I can still have feelings of anxiety, just like the anxiety that I felt when I was in High School, only now, I have "more mature anxiety and anxieties".

I guess that I have called them "High School anxieties or high school feelings" because I honestly haven't felt anxious like that since High School.

What sort of anxieties am I talking about, you ask?

Well, first, I'm trying to get the girl's attention. This should be easier than it used to be, right? Well, yes and no... You see, I now have 10+ years of serious relationship experience, including an entire marriage that I can look back on and learn from. The thing is... Being in love again makes me feel like a little grade-school boy, and honestly, my marriage had some bright moments, but I look at it now as a "what-not-to-do-ever-again" exercise.

Now, though, my anxieties aren't coming from the same things that they used to come from... (I used to be nervous about the new things I was about to encounter/engage in and the new feelings that I was feeling for the first time) Now, though, the anxieties are coming from an "over-kill" of desired experiences and emotions. Since I am not frightened of "entering into this stage of the relationship", I don't stop to think that the person that I'm trying to enter that "stage" with probably hasn't ever been there before, and she is more like the new-beginner-who-is-frightened-to-tread-that-water. I guess I could just put it more plainly: I want things to move too fast!!!

I fear that I'm only going to be able to chalk this up to one-more-experience-I'll-be-able-to-look-back-on-and-learn-from and hope that I don't have to set it next to the pile of lessons that I've already learned from "failed relationships"!

JPS

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