I don't discount inspiration or possibly a burning bush or even a dream or vision, but, I believe that Teresa basically wrote me that "Dear Josh" because of The Spanish Prisoner...
Let me explain... No time, I sum-up.
You see, after all of the possible reasons to have decided to not keep going out with me, I think that the reason must have been because, when I had any movie in the world to choose from to watch with her, and we only ever watched one movie together, I had been aching to watch that movie with her (almost as if it had been total inspiration to choose watch that particular movie), also because when we had watched about 3/4 of the movie, the VCR started to "eat" the VHS tape and I had to perform "mechanical CPR" to rescue the tape (and we did get to watch the last quarter!).
Ok, let me go back and explain now the summation, because this frankly sounds to weenie of an explanation.
Well, I was working on the USPS project at my work under the team-lead Esther Shepard and she had just given us permission and encouragement to use AOL Express (a type of Instant Messeger program). I had gathered login names for about everyone on our team and Esther used it, occasionally to gather the whole team together ("Meeting in the North Training room at 2:30 today!"). One day I had pulled-up and was using the messenger program when I noticed that an unfamiliar name was logged in that morning... I sent the name a message and was almost instantly responded to! Come to find out, it was Teresa...
After work I saw that I could use AOL Express (I am purposely not linking to AOL whenever I mention their name... They are rich enough and don't need any more business!!!) on my cell phone, and when I logged-in, it automatically populated with my work contacts, so I started text messaging Teresa more...
We talked like crazy for weeks and weeks and then one day she asked me if I wouldn't want to go up to Salt Lake and pick-up her uncle and aunt at the airport. I said that I would love to. We went up to the airport (talking, of course, the whole way up and getting to know each other better) and after we had loaded the luggage and her uncle into the car and were waiting for her aunt, I took the opportunity to kiss her right on the lips.
Maybe a little brash and maybe a dangerous choice to try to make a move like that, but, I knew right then and there that I wanted to kiss her, and so I did.
Months later, she finally left on her mission and I faithfully wrote her every week while she was in the MTC and then every other week (about) while she was in Switzerland. She, however, apparently did not think that we would remain together after she returned home and wrote me that Dear Josh.
She doesn't come back from her mission til November, but I think that The Spanish Prisoner was the final straw that broke the camels relationship back...
I can't think of any other relationship having so much promise and yet being inwardly-sabotaged by me... I purposefully chose to make all of the little decisions (like the movie that I chose to watch...) in such a way that she would have no choice but to be "scared-off" by those inconsequential a utterly meaningless acts...
When I decided that I would date her (and she obviously agreed to "go along" for the ride until she left...), I was so fantastically and utterly excited to do everything and anything to be with her and have as much fun as she could have before her mission... For example, I was so excited that one night I made a list of ideas for dates that cost no money (or minimal money) and yet were good date ideas for us to have... I know that many-a-young-men's leader or young-women's leader has made such a list, but those lists are made from groups of grown adults with almost a lifetime of experience and that have a wealth of ideas that they've gathered over the years, and I was just one almost-30-year-old boy (young adult) with practically no dating experience sitting alone in a room, with no computer/internet to refer-to and nothing but my own mind to give me ideas... I was so excited about dating her!!!
At the end though, it all came back down-to, "what movie did he choose to watch with me during one of my last days before leaving on my mission?" ... ... ... You know the answer! I chose the movie that I knew I would show to her, if I ever had a chance, The Spanish Prisoner!
JPS
1.6.08
Build-a-Bearville Villiage...
There is a fun new place for my son and I to play together online. The site is: http://www.buildabearville.com/ and it is fun to do things together, since we can't be together as often as we would like. Playing online is still one way of being able to do something he loves with his dad...
His name in the build-a-bear world is danielXXXXXX and mine is SorenStar... Come and find us and we'll be virtual buddies!
JPS
His name in the build-a-bear world is danielXXXXXX and mine is SorenStar... Come and find us and we'll be virtual buddies!
JPS
31.5.08
Given to man to be an agent unto themselves...
God, our Heavenly Father, gave us the greatest gift possible: our agency... That agency is not better known as "free agency" though. You see, agency is absolutely NOT free and we are either blessed for our correct choices or we incur the punishment for those choices that we make that will take us further away from His spirit.
Initially and originally, in the Doctrine and Covenants, section 29, verse 35 we read: "Behold, I gave unto him that he should be an agent unto himself..." He also says, in Abraham 3:25 that "... we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lords their God shall command them."
How is He going to "prove us herewith"? Well, don't worry--it seems that He has thought of EVERYTHING, because we also read in section 29, verse 39: "And it must needs be that the devil should tempt the children of men, or they could not be agents unto themselves; for if they never should have bitter they could not know the sweet..."
So AGENCY, as you can see now and well know, is having two choices placed before us and being able to choose the "better" choice or to choose the choice that will bring us becoming closer to God and closer, in attributes, to becoming more like his perfect Son.
We will also read, if he look at the Doctrine and Covenants, section 93 (my absolute favorite section, by the way...), in verse 31: "Behold, here is the agency of man," to have those at least two choices placed before us and being given the power to choose the better half, "and here is the condemnation of man; because that which was from the beginning is plainly manifest unto them, and they receive not the light." In other words, we do not make the same choice that Jesus Christ would have chosen (because he always chose that which was pleasing to His Father...).
Now, what are we supposed to do if there are plainly two good and fine choices before us and God, our Father, is not showing us which choice we should make? Excellent question and the point of writing this blog! Brigham Young, the second president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and the founder of the famous University called after his name, gave us guidance on this very question: "If I ask God to give me wisdom concerning any requirement in life... And get no answer from Him, and then do the very best that my judgement will allow me, He is bound to own and honor that transaction, and will do so."
What are we to understand from the words of the prophet? Let's say that the choice comes before us, say, as to which job to accept, and we do all of our homework and we make it a matter of constant prayer and yet, still receive no answer as to which choice the Lord would have us choose-- "and then do the very best that my judgement will allow me, He is bound to own and honor that transaction, and will do so."
God leaves the choice in our hands and the decision is completely ours... Our infinitely wise and kind Heavenly Father wants us to become as wise as He is and hey... This Earth IS His proving ground and we have to prove to both Him and to ourselves that we will "choose wisely". "And those who keep their first estate shall have have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever." (Abraham 3:26)
So, whenever you do have a choice to make, and it seems that you are left to make your own choice with no guidance, accept (gladly) the compliment that your Lord and your God trusts you so well that He knows that you are going to make the wise choice, because you have been long taught and have long been obedient to the other principles of His Gospel. He KNOWS that you will, likewise, make a wise decision, regardless of what you do, in fact, choose to make...
Just be wise!
JPS
Initially and originally, in the Doctrine and Covenants, section 29, verse 35 we read: "Behold, I gave unto him that he should be an agent unto himself..." He also says, in Abraham 3:25 that "... we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lords their God shall command them."
How is He going to "prove us herewith"? Well, don't worry--it seems that He has thought of EVERYTHING, because we also read in section 29, verse 39: "And it must needs be that the devil should tempt the children of men, or they could not be agents unto themselves; for if they never should have bitter they could not know the sweet..."
So AGENCY, as you can see now and well know, is having two choices placed before us and being able to choose the "better" choice or to choose the choice that will bring us becoming closer to God and closer, in attributes, to becoming more like his perfect Son.
We will also read, if he look at the Doctrine and Covenants, section 93 (my absolute favorite section, by the way...), in verse 31: "Behold, here is the agency of man," to have those at least two choices placed before us and being given the power to choose the better half, "and here is the condemnation of man; because that which was from the beginning is plainly manifest unto them, and they receive not the light." In other words, we do not make the same choice that Jesus Christ would have chosen (because he always chose that which was pleasing to His Father...).
Now, what are we supposed to do if there are plainly two good and fine choices before us and God, our Father, is not showing us which choice we should make? Excellent question and the point of writing this blog! Brigham Young, the second president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and the founder of the famous University called after his name, gave us guidance on this very question: "If I ask God to give me wisdom concerning any requirement in life... And get no answer from Him, and then do the very best that my judgement will allow me, He is bound to own and honor that transaction, and will do so."
What are we to understand from the words of the prophet? Let's say that the choice comes before us, say, as to which job to accept, and we do all of our homework and we make it a matter of constant prayer and yet, still receive no answer as to which choice the Lord would have us choose-- "and then do the very best that my judgement will allow me, He is bound to own and honor that transaction, and will do so."
God leaves the choice in our hands and the decision is completely ours... Our infinitely wise and kind Heavenly Father wants us to become as wise as He is and hey... This Earth IS His proving ground and we have to prove to both Him and to ourselves that we will "choose wisely". "And those who keep their first estate shall have have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever." (Abraham 3:26)
So, whenever you do have a choice to make, and it seems that you are left to make your own choice with no guidance, accept (gladly) the compliment that your Lord and your God trusts you so well that He knows that you are going to make the wise choice, because you have been long taught and have long been obedient to the other principles of His Gospel. He KNOWS that you will, likewise, make a wise decision, regardless of what you do, in fact, choose to make...
Just be wise!
JPS
29.5.08
Cause when we kiss, you're the perfect stranger?
Listening to my CD of General Public, this line makes me wonder what he meant...
Is it more appealing to kiss someone that you don't know? When he goes out looking to meet a girl/woman does he intentionally pass right by any girl that he already knows, just so that he will have the chance to kiss someone that he doesn't know at all? More importantly, is he claiming that maybe he wants that girl to forget about him as soon as they kiss (because he is planning to do just the exact same thing...)?
It seems to me that this thinking is completely backwards!
I'm not sure why you would ever kiss a person unless you had some sort of idea that this was going to be a person that you would want to kiss again (possibly over and over...) and that she was not going to be a person that you had absolutely no idea as to whether or not you had so much in common with that person, and more importantly, that you weren't just going to run out a find another kissable stranger...
Now that's my thinking.
That wasn't always my thinking though... because in High School I'm afraid that I was somewhere in the middle of these two pseudo-philosophies: Find a girl that I wanted to kiss (stranger or not) and kiss her with the intent that the kissing would last for a long while!
At the end of the song, though, he says, "Don't ever you go to far away from me girl!" Implying that he has changed his mind (was that before or after the kiss? I personally think that he has just changed his mind because the kiss was very pleasing...), but nevertheless, Mr. Public looks like he might not be as promiscuous as we (or was it just I were/was thinking?).
Don't ever you go!!!
JPS
Is it more appealing to kiss someone that you don't know? When he goes out looking to meet a girl/woman does he intentionally pass right by any girl that he already knows, just so that he will have the chance to kiss someone that he doesn't know at all? More importantly, is he claiming that maybe he wants that girl to forget about him as soon as they kiss (because he is planning to do just the exact same thing...)?
It seems to me that this thinking is completely backwards!
I'm not sure why you would ever kiss a person unless you had some sort of idea that this was going to be a person that you would want to kiss again (possibly over and over...) and that she was not going to be a person that you had absolutely no idea as to whether or not you had so much in common with that person, and more importantly, that you weren't just going to run out a find another kissable stranger...
Now that's my thinking.
That wasn't always my thinking though... because in High School I'm afraid that I was somewhere in the middle of these two pseudo-philosophies: Find a girl that I wanted to kiss (stranger or not) and kiss her with the intent that the kissing would last for a long while!
At the end of the song, though, he says, "Don't ever you go to far away from me girl!" Implying that he has changed his mind (was that before or after the kiss? I personally think that he has just changed his mind because the kiss was very pleasing...), but nevertheless, Mr. Public looks like he might not be as promiscuous as we (or was it just I were/was thinking?).
Don't ever you go!!!
JPS
25.5.08
Irony (vs. Sarcasm)--
Dark irony is: any ironic comment or statement that is NOT humorous, such as--
Comic irony (true irony...) is: any kind of witty thing said referring to something done or said in the past (even one second ago [= quick irony or cleaver irony]) that is clever and or humorous and has a literal meaning that is not what is trying to be conveyed...
Today in church (LDS) I had to emphasize over and over or point out the difference between Sarcasm and Irony.
You see, and this is a totally common misunderstanding for most of us, Sarcasm is: A mockingly ironic statement! But what most people call sarcasm or "that guy was just being sarcastic", they actually intend to convey an idea of a person being ironic.
What I'm pointing out here is just what the definition of sarcasm says, it can't be sarcastic unless it is is mean-spirited and directed towards somebody. In fact, you can not be sarcastic towards an object or thing; it must be mocking towards someone!
I hope that we've all got that difference down and don't contaminate our children's idea of irony with our using that misnomer in front of them. If you don't understand, try reading C. S. Lewis', The Screwtape Letters to get a better idea of a very good use of "irony". If you still are not sure if you understand, please read it again!!!
JPS
Comic irony (true irony...) is: any kind of witty thing said referring to something done or said in the past (even one second ago [= quick irony or cleaver irony]) that is clever and or humorous and has a literal meaning that is not what is trying to be conveyed...
Today in church (LDS) I had to emphasize over and over or point out the difference between Sarcasm and Irony.
You see, and this is a totally common misunderstanding for most of us, Sarcasm is: A mockingly ironic statement! But what most people call sarcasm or "that guy was just being sarcastic", they actually intend to convey an idea of a person being ironic.
What I'm pointing out here is just what the definition of sarcasm says, it can't be sarcastic unless it is is mean-spirited and directed towards somebody. In fact, you can not be sarcastic towards an object or thing; it must be mocking towards someone!
I hope that we've all got that difference down and don't contaminate our children's idea of irony with our using that misnomer in front of them. If you don't understand, try reading C. S. Lewis', The Screwtape Letters to get a better idea of a very good use of "irony". If you still are not sure if you understand, please read it again!!!
JPS
20.5.08
Penance...
I just read over my own last blog, and I saw the words (in all caps, no less...) "I have no adorable children to blog about!!!", and that simply is not so..
I HAVE ONE VERY BEAUTIFUL CHILD TO BLOG ABOUT!!!
JPS
I HAVE ONE VERY BEAUTIFUL CHILD TO BLOG ABOUT!!!
JPS
How can we speak of debts, let's not haggle for darling Cosette...
When I was a junior and a senior in High School... But it may have started back before then; sophomore, back in Junior High... I can't pinpoint an exact time, but I was hooked on the play, "Les Miserables." I read the book (abridged of course--what are you crazy to read all of that French History mixed in with the story of Jean Valjean in the unabridged!?).
So, anyway... I even got the soundtrack a couple of years ago, just so that I could "pop" it in and partake of the flashback-goodness.
And here I was trying to think of what to write (because sometimes I have a burning idea that I NEED to get down on virtual paper and can't stop writing until it is properly recorded and uploaded... but other times I want to write, but am not quite certain what it is or will be that I am to write about...), and the words of Fantine were rolling through my mind over and over!
What I've been thinking of doing for the past few days and years, is to have a photo-journal like my friends do (it seems to be THE REASON why most people blog at all (as if they all need that little inspiration given to them by their adorable children... Well, I HAVE NO ADORABLE CHILDREN TO BLOG ABOUT!!! At least, not around here to capture with my electronic camera whenever I want...).
So, once again inspired by Les Miserables, I am left with no other option but to kidnap my own child!!!!
Ok, I am just kidding... I'll just have to give it some more time until I can meet and court and propose to and legally and lawfully espouse.
Until that time, I will continue to post these drab and lifeless posts that I enjoy writing so much... Until then, you will be left with several dozens or even hundreds of "blogs" that you can travel to and watch with your semi-voyerish stares!
Until that time that I solidify my desires for familial happiness...
JPS
So, anyway... I even got the soundtrack a couple of years ago, just so that I could "pop" it in and partake of the flashback-goodness.
And here I was trying to think of what to write (because sometimes I have a burning idea that I NEED to get down on virtual paper and can't stop writing until it is properly recorded and uploaded... but other times I want to write, but am not quite certain what it is or will be that I am to write about...), and the words of Fantine were rolling through my mind over and over!
What I've been thinking of doing for the past few days and years, is to have a photo-journal like my friends do (it seems to be THE REASON why most people blog at all (as if they all need that little inspiration given to them by their adorable children... Well, I HAVE NO ADORABLE CHILDREN TO BLOG ABOUT!!! At least, not around here to capture with my electronic camera whenever I want...).
So, once again inspired by Les Miserables, I am left with no other option but to kidnap my own child!!!!
Ok, I am just kidding... I'll just have to give it some more time until I can meet and court and propose to and legally and lawfully espouse.
Until that time, I will continue to post these drab and lifeless posts that I enjoy writing so much... Until then, you will be left with several dozens or even hundreds of "blogs" that you can travel to and watch with your semi-voyerish stares!
Until that time that I solidify my desires for familial happiness...
JPS
17.5.08
Harold Crick's almost inhuman speed
So, ever since I first started watching the movie "Stranger then Fiction" (and some would say that I watch it 'religiously'...), I've wondered (sometimes even out-loud) how the HERO of the show, Harold Crick, dashes out and saves the little boy from being hit by an oncoming-bus as quickly as he does.
The other night I came up with the answer (and this is completely and totally from the stand-point of Harold's life being lived out in my world--I don't even know the guy though, so don't worry!). So, in the movie Harold walks up to his usual-bus-stop, and scootches his way to the curb, and moments later bolts out from the curb and snatches a little 5-or-6-year-old boy on a tricycle, and saves the boy's life from being snuffed-out by a bus.
Seen the movie? I wonder if you've pondered the question as I have... No? Not seen the movie or not pondered this question? Doesn't matter, I'm going to tell you why...
There are two reasons why Harold is able to act so quickly:
1) He is able to move so quickly because he had already made up his mind as to what he was going to do in such a situation. He had gone over the scenario over and over (ever since he read the book-of-his-life) and had seen the situation (at least in his mind's eye...) and knew what he, therefore, needed to do.
2) The second reason is much like the first (in fact, I could have made 1 large paragraph containing the two reasons as 1...). When Harold is talking to the doctor in his hospital room, the doctor says,
"That was a pretty brave thing you did."
"Huh?"
". . . stepping in front of that bus... was pretty brave and pretty stupid."
". . . Yeah . . ."
Later, Harold is talking to his girlfriend and says,
"I didn't have a choice... I had to!"
You see, because he already "knew" what was going to happen (even if, like I said before, all of this had already happened in his mind's eye) he was anxious to make sure that what-he-had-already-watched-happen-in-his-mind happened exactly like he had already thought of... He knew that he could save the boy and wanted to make sure that he wouldn't allow anything else to happen instead!
May we all act so promptly and effectively to make sure that act in such a way to bring about those most important events and actions in life come about!!!
JPS
The other night I came up with the answer (and this is completely and totally from the stand-point of Harold's life being lived out in my world--I don't even know the guy though, so don't worry!). So, in the movie Harold walks up to his usual-bus-stop, and scootches his way to the curb, and moments later bolts out from the curb and snatches a little 5-or-6-year-old boy on a tricycle, and saves the boy's life from being snuffed-out by a bus.
Seen the movie? I wonder if you've pondered the question as I have... No? Not seen the movie or not pondered this question? Doesn't matter, I'm going to tell you why...
There are two reasons why Harold is able to act so quickly:
1) He is able to move so quickly because he had already made up his mind as to what he was going to do in such a situation. He had gone over the scenario over and over (ever since he read the book-of-his-life) and had seen the situation (at least in his mind's eye...) and knew what he, therefore, needed to do.
2) The second reason is much like the first (in fact, I could have made 1 large paragraph containing the two reasons as 1...). When Harold is talking to the doctor in his hospital room, the doctor says,
"That was a pretty brave thing you did."
"Huh?"
". . . stepping in front of that bus... was pretty brave and pretty stupid."
". . . Yeah . . ."
Later, Harold is talking to his girlfriend and says,
"I didn't have a choice... I had to!"
You see, because he already "knew" what was going to happen (even if, like I said before, all of this had already happened in his mind's eye) he was anxious to make sure that what-he-had-already-watched-happen-in-his-mind happened exactly like he had already thought of... He knew that he could save the boy and wanted to make sure that he wouldn't allow anything else to happen instead!
May we all act so promptly and effectively to make sure that act in such a way to bring about those most important events and actions in life come about!!!
JPS
10.5.08
Self-knowledge...
I've just gone out on a fabulous fate with a girl--now woman, who I knew while we were both growing-up. After the date she made a remark, something like: "You're still the same old Josh."
My initial feelings when I hear something like that is to think of it in terms of, "Just the same old you..." or something that is tainted with a negative connotation, however, the more that I think about that idea, the happier I am with myself. For example, the happier I am to realize that, 'Yes, I act the same way as I must have when I was 17-or-18-or-so' but I know that I am not a child now and I prefer to think of myself as not being immature, and so I'm left with the idea that, 'I must have been an extraordinarily mature 17-or-18-or-so year-old.'
Not that I am praising myself or even trying to boast as to my level of maturity (because I know that I still could mature in a lot of ways--at least 2 different ways! :), but am just happy to know that I've stayed constant in most ways over the years, AND I know that the accident that I was in and the coma that I was in didn't change me fundamentally...
But... I am still left with the metaphor that C. S. Lewis wrote of in The Weight of Glory:
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace."
I am pretty sure that the accident was one of the first of those "knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably" and I am better prepared now to give myself over to the other floors that need to be put on or the other towers that are run up.
JPS
My initial feelings when I hear something like that is to think of it in terms of, "Just the same old you..." or something that is tainted with a negative connotation, however, the more that I think about that idea, the happier I am with myself. For example, the happier I am to realize that, 'Yes, I act the same way as I must have when I was 17-or-18-or-so' but I know that I am not a child now and I prefer to think of myself as not being immature, and so I'm left with the idea that, 'I must have been an extraordinarily mature 17-or-18-or-so year-old.'
Not that I am praising myself or even trying to boast as to my level of maturity (because I know that I still could mature in a lot of ways--at least 2 different ways! :), but am just happy to know that I've stayed constant in most ways over the years, AND I know that the accident that I was in and the coma that I was in didn't change me fundamentally...
But... I am still left with the metaphor that C. S. Lewis wrote of in The Weight of Glory:
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace."
I am pretty sure that the accident was one of the first of those "knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably" and I am better prepared now to give myself over to the other floors that need to be put on or the other towers that are run up.
JPS
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